...The Verdict...

I really just slept the whole day...knowing that later [our last training day in CCT] we're taking our third and last knowledge check, we're carrying out our oral presentations and we're doing our mock call...so like me...not preparing.

For the second time I failed on our knowledge check. Among our 3 knowledge check I only passed 1 which is the reason why I got the average of 74.89%, which is by the way the 40% of our over all average grade in CCT(Communication and Culture Training) [the passing is 80], the other 60% will be obtained from our oral presentation and mock call.

For our recorded oral presentation our topic should be related to the U.S. so my topic is 'Professional Wrestling'...which shocked me because all of my co-trainees were able to guess that it's the topic that I'd pick. I wasn't really prepared. All I have is all in my mind; what I know about wrestling. But I saw everybody preparing and some of them even have their scripts so I tried to research as fast as I can to be able to prepare also my script. I managed to do that but it was useless because I ended up talking about my stock knowledge about wrestling not about what I researched...well it's because we're not permitted to read our scripts and we should be spontaneous. I was the 6th presenter so I really have to get ready. When it was already my turn I did it fairly confident. I had few mistakes but it's really not that glaring I think...of course, everybody enjoyed it including our trainer. However, when I was done with my piece I accidentally clicked on the record button on the monitor which automatically erased everything that I recorded...SO STUPID! I almost cried but I didn't. I immediately thought that it happened for a reason so need not cry, it won't bring back what I recorded. Then our trainer told me that I have no grade...implying that I have no chance of passing the training. During that time I was already thinking about what will I do if I'm terminated...but I really don't feel that I will be.

Still, I can't forget what happened this morning when we practiced our mock call with Eric as our caller; I suggested to him that "if he's no longer satisfied with the service of the company why not delete your account". It was supposed to be a joke but he took it seriously. His face really transformed into something that's really irate. He even said, [as the caller] "I don't want to talk to you, you're so stupid"...and then he went back to the real him and asked me "do you think you're too young for this job?"; I said NO. Then he asked again, with a deeper and more serious voice and face, "do you think you're too young for the job?"; I said NO again...He really ate me alive. The whole class was shocked and there were silence while Eric and I were talking. He was so disappointed at me because I easily gave up. I was speechless but I was still smiling...good thing I was able to have peace of mind and I managed to answer his follow up questions-and I didn't cry. Then he said you shouldn't give up...When he was saying that I was telling my self, "astig talaga ng mamang 'to". Because after what I did he still encouraged me...unbelievable! But still I was wondering what I will do on our mock call because I was thinking that Eric will give me the hardest situation and an irate caller.

For our mock call, I was partnered with the person that kinda' irritates me [no need to mention his name and to talk about him- well his nice I think but I'm not comfortable with him]. I took the role of the caller first, specifically a flirtatious caller, which is very challenging for me. When it's my turn to be the agent/advisor already I was satisfied with my job. It's not the best but it's not bad. Actually, while we were waiting for our turn I was really not that nervous because I feel that I will be able to do it the right way, which what I did.

After a few minutes of waiting, the result was ready. Eric considered my recorded oral presentation because it's really not that needed. He was grading us while we're presenting and that's where he got our grades so it's really not a problem. On the oral presentation and mock call, I got a lot of VSAT(very satisfactory) and only one SAT(satisfactory)...I passed! With the average of 84%...shocking!!! This means that I get to stay with the company. My average is actually higher that those who were really excelling during class discussions...I really didn't expect it. My co-trainees didn't expect it as well that's why their eyes popped out when they discovered that I passed...the first thing I thought...I love our trainer. He's the best. Knowing that someone like him [intelligent, professional, positively sarcastic, just, and patient, etc.] has a very high standard and he fails half of the class; having him as a trainer and passing his class...it's an achievement and a blessing...The whole CCT is actually like passing through an eye of a needle, esp. if he's your trainer. But I did learn A LOT and I had FUN learning...I wish that all professors in college would be like him. If that happens you won't see students cutting classes and failing their subjects.

I feel blessed/lucky because our paths crossed... I was skeptical before and I thought that I made a wrong decision when I chose to work but after meeting him...I started to believe that I'm on the right track and that I should keep on walking...

NO REGRETS!!!

10:34 AM

...Age Doesn't Really Matter...

I tried to ignore it before but now the situation itself demands for attention...I am 17 and I'm already in The Corporate World...that's how he said it, our trainer...and it really brought me into a real deep silence...and it made me remember all the things that I have intentionally ignored before...

It is a fact that I entered school too early. I don't know how it happened but I guess saying that my mom is one of the teachers in the school where I first attended explains it. Also, I believe that I had to go to school a year earlier because nobody was left to look after me. So my parents had no choice but to enroll me even if I didn't qualify to study yet. When I was a child, it's not hard for me to interact with other children since everybody still thinks of the same things, you know; lollipops, playgrounds, Santa Clause, balloons, birthday parties, etc. However, the years when my light or reason started to activate, I became aware of the fact that the people who were around me were not the same age as I am...I mean my childhood friends and my elementary classmates. But it was not a big deal that time. I even felt proud because I'm stepping on the same floor with them, yet, they were not there at my age. In fact, some of them envied me because I was able to fill out a position where they weren't able to fill when they were at my age.

When I stepped to secondary education, that's how I started to think that there's really something wrong with me...I mean my age, specially when I was on the last three years of high school. My classmates were all busy flirting with each other and I'm left on the corner thinking about the games that I want to play. I had friends but we're not that close. Most of the girls were busy with their boyfriends while I was busy studying our lessons [fact]. There was even a situation when one of the boys in the class wants to copy answers from my assignment but I strongly refused and told that guy these words "you have a girl friend but you can't even manage to answer your assignment...".I really thought that there's nothing wrong with what I did...I'm just being honest. But then I thought I should've not acted that way because it's very childish...but of course I stick to what I always believe...Yes, I maybe young but I am old enough to be reasonable.

Now that I'm in college, I can still find issues regarding my age. Sometimes I feel that I should not enter school for a year because I don't fit in the class. Everybody's already celebrating their debuts and my only purpose is to attend their party. Everybody has their own license; they can already participate in the national election. In fact, some of them are no longer virgins [but I'm not saying that I should lose my virginity as well] My point is I feel like I'm forced/obliged to think the way they think...though we're not of the same age. Some may say that there's no problem at all because we're talking about a difference of one year only...but they don't get it. That one year difference is a big deal for me. [It's so ambiguous that I can't really explain it]
Ever since I started my social life, I've always been the youngest in the class/group [circle of friends] where I end up with (except when I was 2nd year). I can't avoid thinking that I don't fit in, but I can't deny that most of the time I'm proud of it.

In conclusion I found out that it is only me who made age matter when in fact it really doesn't, it is the way we think that matters...our way of thinking doesn't go with our age.

This is the most important portion of this 'gibberishness':

The Corporate World

I am 17 and I'm already working...in the corporate world/ the world of professionals [something that I really never imagined that will happen to me]. And I'm working in the number 1 call center company in the Phil. and in the U.S., CONVERGYS Corporation; which means that I have very high standards and expectations to meet...which seriously pressures me.
Well, this is what actually happened [this morning]: I was about to recite something but my trainer, Eric, wasn't able to hear it. He has told me before that my voice is not well projected so when I recited he kinda' got mad because I didn't improve. He called me his "underage trainee", by the way. After I answered he told me "you're already in the corporate world"...so act professionally [this part is not the exact words that he used but this is what he implied]. After he said that I realized that he's right. It's not the environment that will bend for me; I'm the one who should adjust to the environment.

When Eric and I had what I call our "heart-to-heart-and-brain-to-brain-talk" last week where he gave feedback from the jobs that I've been doing he told me that there's no problem with my pronunciation and intonation [which I was happy to hear]. My only problem is my assertiveness. He told me that I am assertive but I'm not assertive enough. He even mentioned that he knows that I have lots of things in my mind but I'm not just expressing them. Also, he told me that he's willing to help. And the highlight of all that he said was related to my age again because he felt that my problem with assertiveness is somewhat affected by my age...so he said that I should be proud... I'm young but I'm better than the other trainees...and the best was when he told me that I should take my age as an ADVANTAGE.

I was really inspired upon hearing those words. He's very encouraging and convincing. I believed in him because he has been in my position before...he told me that he got his job as a trainer when he was 21; not to mention that majority of his trainees were older than him. So I thought this man believes in me...what can I say? I was so happy because he's the very first person who really encouraged and inspired me that way and who really made me feel that I am somebody and I could still be somebody who's better. I'm sincerely grateful that he's our trainer. Actually, I'm supposed to be in Ortigas but there were no slots available for me there so I was transferred to Makati...unknowing that my life will change there...GOD's plan is really far way better than what we have in our minds. Now I know why I was there...I'm about to meet the people who will make a difference in my worthless life.

This is really a turning point for me...

...I THANK GOD...

9:19 AM

...He is already taken...away from me...

We're not able to see JTC at Tiendesitas because of me but I think I didn't miss anything. We saw lots of bands (Sandwich, 6 Cycle Mind, Paramita, Itchyworms, Pedicab, etc.) perform and we got to see people who really look "mabaho". The highlight is, aside from almost dying because of demented people and nearly getting trouble because I almost pulled a girl through her hair, I finally saw Urbandub's live performance...'stig! But TBP wasn't...only the 4 of us [Mon, Lish, Ers, and me] know who they are and the songs that they sang--and of course Pao was absent the nth time.

After TBP's turn we left Pasig and flew to Makati, Zageejoe to be exact, to see Itchyworms, Pedicab, and TBP again. As what we've expected, Pedicab's set was really tiring. Sweat is flowing out of our bodies. Everybody really enjoyed it, especially the forever handsome and sexy Gael with his little bro Tenoch.

Anyway, TBP's set was different from all their performances before, take note that it's SaGuijo. It's like guijo is too big for the band. Perhaps the reason of the band's feverish performance is the temporary absence of Diego...and, party pillers be prepared, the unending absence of Pao--that is, Pao's already out of the band= he's no longer part of TBP= we won't be able to hear jo-jo-jo-jopet anymore= TBP is somewhat 20% paralyzed= TBP will never be the same again.

Plus, assuming that he is really in a relationship...I guess the song that he sang the last time I saw him really means something...One Last Time.

...that's painful!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! [teary eyes] He's is taken and away...but it doesn't end something between us. Perhaps this is the real beginning of our story...

One last time

let's spend this night together
one last time
candlelight for two
then we'll drink some wine

stars so bright tonight
don't worry
things will turn out right
don't worry
before you decide... to go home

i'm sorry
so sorry
things will turn out right
don't worry
don't worry, don't worry
things will turn out right
one last time

let's think about 'forever'
one last time
it's like the things we do
when you were mine

one last time
i just wanna hold your hand
one last time
i just wanna kiss you
one last time
open up your mind
one last time
let me feel I love you so...

2:11 PM

...One Last Time...

I am 17 going on 18, I know that I'm naive...dependent, broke, raw, lost, confused, weak, single (T_T)...but I'm hired/employed/occupied! Yeah! If you can't believe it, me neither. For the past 5 days, things seem to happen so fast and so as my decision makings. Yes, within 5 days, after submitting a copy of my very short and informal resume and passing 2 hands-on tests last Thursday and getting lucky with the final interview yesterday, here I am shocked and unprepared. Probably I'll call this portion of my life as "the last time when I did something for the first time". Evidently, for 17 years and 5 months of possessing the characteristics of life, this was the 1st time that I applied for a job and also the 1st time that I was hired... [like in high school and college]...I also signed a contract, which I didn't read by the way...because I trust CONVERGYS. I believe that they won't put me into trouble; it's me who will do that.

I will no longer beat around the bush so here it is: it has turned into a cliche; I saw Pao last night/this morning... [half-naked]...haha...at Mayrics. I really think that every time Pao performs he's selling his self and all I can do is think of how much I could get him. This is one of the best nights ever. We, "TRINITY", had the chance to witness one of Pao's extraordinary talents; sound effects [fast car, crying baby, knocking the door, motor cycle, name it].

JTC changed places for one song, Biboy [our new friend] on bass, Migs on drums, Congie on the lead guitar, and Pao on the other guitar and on vocals. This is it! The night is my night!!! It's for me! Pao sang "One Last Time". The song really intrigues me...is it coincidence or it is destined to happen for me. Because after being hired with the schedule of 10 pm to 6 am everyday, does that mean that it's going to be the last time that I'll be seeing him? Add to it that the star of the night or the spot light was on Pao...probably implying that since it's the last time that I'll be seeing him let him do everything that would make me happy; something that's good to keep in my memory...I hope not!

Love Is.....

...still I'm happy. Good Luck to me, to my job.

I Thank God!!!

3:05 PM

...Paint thy Love with Cryola...

There is really nothing much to say...Ers, Lish and I went to Big Sky to see Cryola but they were not there, damn it! These guys really cause girls to cryola... They should’ve posted on their yahoo groups that they won't be able to make it because everybody was expecting, especially us.
Thanks to Sunflower Day Camp, Kapatid, and Hilera--the night isn't really that wasted and useless.

9:18 PM

...On exile...

I just got home from Mega Mall where the celebration of Exile's 20th anniversary was held. It was..!/;',.

Going there was actually a last minute decision. Before I sleep this afternoon I said that if I wake up before 7:30 pm I'm going out; if not, then I won't [obviously very indecisive]...then I woke up after 5 hours. The alarm clock beside me, which I didn't alarm intentionally, says that it's 7:15 pm already so I thought it's the answer. (I really want to go but I want to ask for God's opinion if I really should that's why I did that) I took it as God's response that's why I got up hurriedly to eat dinner and change clothes. While I was having my dinner, my eyes popped out when I discovered that the real time is 8 pm...therefore, I decided not to go.

However, my brain wasn't able to control my body. Both my feet walked directly to our room and my hands uncontrollably changed my clothes. I was no longer thinking that time...I was just moving. I almost didn't ask for my mom's permission about leaving that late but good thing I did. I just told her that I'm going to check something on the mall. I didn't ask for money so that she won't ask lot's of questions.

On the spur of the moment I was already in SM...alone. There were lots of strangers and nocturnal beings. It was my first time to go alone to that kind of an event so I independently tried my best to [literally] walk and stand tall without the feeling of being left out and 'friendless'. In some ways I succeeded because I was able to ask some security guards with some questions and I was even able to have a small talk with other people...but I wasn't able to talk to Pao [the major reason of my presence there].

I haven't seen him for quite long that's why I went there...to see JTC perform, and the other bands [Koski, Hale, Bamboo, Stone Free, Soap Dish, etc.] Of course, mission accomplished. I saw him...and it appeared like I stalked him...

After what happened on his birthday, I still believe that he can still remember me. I don't want him to see me because I don't like what I was wearing...so I was like a stalker hiding from him while I was trying to glance at him. There was even an instance that I saw him walking towards where I was...I don't know what to do...instead of panicking or running away I just didn't move; I pretended as a statue [a very stupid idea]. Good thing he didn't notice me.

Of course, when it's already JTC's turn on the spot light Pao, as he usually does, gave his best shot...He's lovely.

I really enjoyed this night...alone.

11:30 AM

...5 On the Floor...

I splurged again...but there's really no reason to be sorry. Another day has been written on the history of music industry, the album launch of Sandwich. I had fun...wearing red. Whoooo!!! From SM North, we went to UP fair and we listened to some bands...as in we literally listened to them because we couldn't see them. Then we saw Maan, who's wearing black, and we lay on the grass in the Sunken Garden...Trip!

It was a very tiring day so we [Mon, Ers, Lish, Maan, and Me] were literally 5 on the floor when we get to Ers' house.

11:54 PM

• ...The Verdict...
• ...Age Doesn't Really Matter...
• ...He is already taken...away from me...
• ...One Last Time...
• ...Paint thy Love with Cryola...
• ...On exile...
• ...5 On the Floor...
• ...Killing me Softly...
• ...Saved...
• ...Gravity...

Message Sing!

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